Ponderings


403783_4140469751394_199651983_nI don’t normally have a problem with death; due to my own actual experiences, which have shown me that this earthly life is just a tiny atom in the infinite ocean of creation and that it really is impossible to die. However, I had an experience of death recently, which although it wasn’t a problem as such, really touched me to the depths of my soul.

In my day job I work in a hospice that provides day services to mainly terminally ill people. It’s probably fair to say that around 95% of the people I’ve come into contact with since I’ve been associated with the job have already left their bodies, or will be leaving their bodies in the near future. I’m not affected by this at all; I’m just glad to be able to offer some kind of help in my own humble way. But recently I found that a particular patient’s transition did touch me; and even almost brought a tear to my eye. I felt it would be appropriate to share my theory as to why this happened.

Quite often, as you would imagine, terminally ill people are full of anxiety and anguish and it is very hard to make a connection with them. This particular man was no different; conversation was quite difficult and I detected a strong feeling of emptiness within him. It is not appropriate for me to share any more detail about the man with my readers, but suffice it to say, when I heard that he’d left this earth I felt a sadness that I’d not felt before with any other patient. It was quite strange considering that there had been no bond between us.

The reason for my emotional reaction to the news, I believe, is because I saw myself in him. He reminded me of the figure of despair I once was and he also seemed to be a mirror image of what I would have become had I not turned my life around. Even though there were no real similarities between us, he cut a very lonely figure. He did have family, but they were based in another town and he lived alone with his horrendous illness. I’m just glad for him that when he made the transition he was comfortable in hospital and his family were at his bedside.

It really was quite a strange feeling and it did not remain with me long, but it seemed that in that moment, an aspect of me contained within the infinite ocean of bliss that is our true nature, reached out to me at a soul level and said “share this”.

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