Who Am I? Epilogue


When I first started writing this series of posts, what seems like an absolute age ago now, I never dreamed it would stretch to 35 articles. The whole idea was so that people who have only started following my blog in recent years could gain an understanding of where I’ve come from. Having said that, this story has been far from an ego trip, and apart from the spiritual implications of my journey, there is also a very real and practical message in here that I would like to get out. That message is, that in life we will all experience many things that will test us and wear us down. Many of those things will be extremely unpleasant. However, regardless of what we go through, we do not have to be victims. When you are going through pain, it is very easy (and understandable) to blame particular people or circumstances, and it is a common human trait to cling for dear life, on to things that cause us pain. But my point is that you can experience all manner of difficulties, but to be a victim of them, is unfortunately, a choice.

When I look back on where I’ve come from, I actually feel a little bit embarrassed. Because what I experienced seems to me to be very insignificant compared to what some people go through. However, at the time my pain was very real and I will never forget the depths of darkness to which I sank, or the excruciating emotional pain that I felt at times; pain that cut through me like a sword. It was only when I finally realised that the world was not responsible for the way I felt, that I was able to change things. No one but me was responsible for making changes in my life.

One thing that has really been brought home to me from my experiences, is the importance of our parents. Regardless of the kind of relationship, if any, we have with them, they are so important for our growth. As I stated very early in this series, I had extremely difficult relationships with both my parents, but for different reasons. I now understand that I was there for their growth as much as they were there for mine. I also now understand that both of them did a fantastic job in accordance with the understanding and level of consciousness that they had. So, Dick and Elsie, I salute you! I also have to admit that I must have been an absolute nightmare for them at times! Another thing that I now understand is that both of them were a reflection of me, and I of them; reflecting the good as well as the not so good.

My journey has been one of an awakening. However, I am the first to admit that I have some way to go yet. I know this because if I was a fully realized soul, I would not be talking about journeys and awakening, because in Consciousness there is nowhere to go and nothing to awaken from. I firmly believe that my chronic fatigue is a part of my awakening process, and there is something else that I know many of you will be able to relate to. If you are a spiritually minded person; and I’m presuming you are if you are reading this, have you noticed that several old and stale traits that you thought you’d dealt with years ago have started to rear their heads again? My understanding, although I’m not saying that this is set in stone, is that when we are awakening, we can only awaken in stages; very few souls have the traumatic experience of sudden and complete awakening. The process can be very painful indeed so we have to awaken gradually. When we become more and more evolved after clearing out what we believe to be all the debris lodged in the soul, it can be quite a surprise when “stuff” starts to pop up again. But this can be likened to the “exhaust fumes” effect that I spoke about in a previous article. After the vehicle has long gone, the smell of exhaust fumes lingers in the air until it too dissipates.

Speaking of sudden and complete awakening. One soul who went through such a process was the Indian sage, Ramana Maharshi; this is described in great detail in the book, The Mind of Ramana Maharshi by Arthur Osborne. I can thoroughly recommend this book, and indeed, all of the Arthur Osborne books on the teachings of the great man. My own awakening process has escalated greatly since I became aware of the Maharshi and his teachings.

So, this is it folks. Thank you for continuing to support my blog and please do “like” and leave a comment. I will now leave you with the answer to the question, “Who Am I”?, that I have asked 35 times during the writing of my story. But before I do, I just want to let you know that I have decided to put all this into book form, for release in 2018. The book will contain more detail and will be called, Eyesight To The Blind.

Yes, I have experienced dark times. I “suffered” with depression for an estimated 28 years, I have “suffered” psychological abuse, also for a prolonged period of time and I have been on the receiving end of domestic violence and “suffered” organisational abuse. One thing that I have not revealed until now is that I also experienced sexual abuse at the age of 8. It only happened once, but once was enough! I experienced my acute stress related illness too, which finally served as my wake up call. Throughout all this I chose to be a victim and suffered the consequences of that choice until I realised that all the answers were contained within me. I then embarked on my spiritual journey, which also had its ups and downs, the main focus of which was my work as a medium. Now as I type it is two days since undertaking my last ever booking in that line of work. I don’t know what the future holds, but I suppose the only true answer to that is, that the future will hold for me whatever my mind creates.

I have come to the understanding that there really is only consciousness, and nothing else, that there really is nothing to do except to allow oneself to be as a hollow bamboo in order that the higher power may weave its magic through us. I am a beautiful soul, a being of light, having an imaginary adventure; during which I will hopefully get to know myself in my own experience and love myself for the delightful soul that I am. In a nutshell…

I am that I am..


Before and After

Me looking like an axe killer! Taken in Bielefeld hostel during my Who blasting days.




Another Arrow To My Bow – Part Two

Well, as I write it is only another five days and I will be ordained as a Spiritualist Minister; the Reverend Ricky, yeah, it’s got a ring to it! As I mentioned in my previous post, Another Arrow To My Bow, as part of my ordination ceremony I will have to make a pledge or promise, whatever you want to call it. When I first saw what that entailed it made me feel quite uneasy, because it seems to be very religious in nature and not what I’m about or what I want to be involved in. Then after taking a few moments in contemplation, I realised that this pledge goes much deeper than what is on the surface. I also remembered what the ordaining minister said to me when we spoke on the phone; she said that it’s my ordination and therefore it is about what it means to me. In view of this, I thought I would share with you the questions I will be asked whilst making my pledge, I am also going to make this the subject of my address. Here goes…

Do you turn to Christ?

Yes. I turn to the Christ within, because that’s who I am.

Do you repent of your sins?

This is a good question, and one that is closely linked to Question Three; to answer we must first understand what it means. “Sin”, is one of those words that is generally not understood by those who follow organised religion, and it has been used by the church for centuries as a means of putting the fear of God into people (no pun intended). Sin comes from the ancient Greek, and it means to miss the mark. Literally, it means to miss the mark in the same context as someone firing at a target and missing. In the spiritual sense a sin is anything we do that is not in line with our soul purpose; our reason for having incarnated into flesh. Swami Vivekananda once said that if there is such a thing as sin, it is the failure to acknowledge our own Divinity. Therefore to “repent” of our sins has nothing to do with imposing austerity on ourselves. It simply means to give up anything that does not serve our soul purpose and to recognise the Christ within ourselves. But we can even take that a stage further by saying that we are not REQUIRED to renounce anything. It is simply a case of when we evolve naturally, by way of our experiences here in the physical, we reach stages where we no longer have the desire to undertake actions that constitute sin. All experience is valid in this paradoxical world, but as we grow in awareness we naturally discard that which no longer serves us. So yes, I repent of my sins.

Do you renounce evil?

As with the previous question, we must first understand what is meant by evil. It is very easy to make a personal judgement and say that something is evil, but what does it actually mean? It’s another of those words that the church loves to use in order to keep the masses living in blind ignorance and fear. So, to answer this question we must briefly return to the previous question. When we are “sinning” (acting in ways that do not serve us), we are living blindly. When we do not understand how the world functions (i.e. cause and effect etc.) we are also living blindly. When we live blindly we inflict pain and suffering on ourselves and others. This is what is meant by evil. So, in the repenting of my sins I am also renouncing evil. The sin is the desire (which comes from the ego) to carry out the act; evil is the act itself.

Do you believe and trust in God the Father, who made the world? 

Who or what is God the Father? Is it an invisible man with a beard, who is always angry, who will get really jealous if we do not love him in the way he demands, who will seek vengeance if we do not love him in the aforementioned way and who will ultimately pass judgement on us when we leave this life? Quite simply, No! We should also understand here what beliefs are. A belief is a mind construct, a thought that we have about a certain person or thing. Beliefs will create our reality, but they are not necessarily representative of truth. God the Father is another term not understood by those of organised religious persuasion. To me, God the Father is Infinite Awareness, the “All That Is”; it is Consciousness in its purest form that exists beyond vibratory creation. It projected me into the form of an individual soul in its own image (of the same “stuff”). It also projected into form what we see and interpret as the world; so yes, I believe and trust in that higher power, regardless of what name you choose to call it.

Do you believe and trust in his Son, Jesus Christ who redeemed mankind?

“Son of God”, is another term widely misunderstood by organised religion. It doesn’t refer to a man of flesh. Indeed, it was only at the First Council of Constantinople in 325 AD, that King Constantine decreed that Jesus Christ the man, was the one and only begotten Son of God. Constantine also removed a lot of the text from the Bible that he did not want the masses to be aware of, and he replaced them with his own version of events. When Consciousness projected itself into form, thus creating the world and individual souls, there had to be a way for those souls to awaken to their truth; that is, the truth of their being. So Consciousness also secreted the Christ Intelligence (Son of God) into and throughout its creation. So by undertaking spiritual practise, the individual would eventually awaken to its true nature (Christ Consciousness or Son of God) and merge once again with source (God the Father). Jesus the man, like many highly evolved souls before and since, was awake within the Christ Consciousness, even though on the surface of things he looked like an ordinary man. He reflected the Christ Intelligence wherever he went, and it was this that people were attracted to, not his physical body. Jesus never encouraged anyone to follow his physical form. It was his teachings, that he epitomised in his daily living, that he encouraged people to follow. The message of Jesus the man was very simple. He told us that there is only One soul, that the Kingdom of Heaven is within us, that we are all Gods and that each and every one of us is EXACTLY the same as him. This is why his true message has always been suppressed by the church, because it affirms that each and every one of us is powerful beyond our imagination; this is the redemption of Christ.

Do you believe and trust in his Holy Spirit who gives life to the people of God?

What is the Holy Spirit? If we look around us, we will see an abundance of people and objects. The people and objects we see are only those within the scope of our vision, although we know that beyond our own limited periphery there is a whole universe of “things”. If this is the case, that there are vast amounts of “things” all existing side-by-side and in relation to each other, how do we think it is all held together? What is stopping everything from just disintegrating and hanging suspended in empty space? Sound vibration is the answer to that question; the eternal Om, or Holy Spirit. Om is also known as “Pranava”, which means, “to pervade life”. This highly sacred, one-syllable word first appeared in the Vedas, which are the most ancient of all spiritual texts. Om, is also spelt A-U-M, which represents the three states; waking, dream and deep-sleep. There is a fourth state called the “Turiya”. This is the few seconds at the end of each individual chant where the sound tapers off and the three sub-syllables of A, U and M merge into the silence. This symbolises another example of the three-dimensional nature of the world (waking, dream and deep-sleep states) merging once again into the formless. It is worth noting that the Christian Amen was derived from Om. Yes, I believe and trust that as long as there is a function for me to perform in the world, the eternal Holy Spirit will be right there vibrating within me and around me.

We Must Let Go Of Our Attachments To Spiritual Teachers


This is the third and final piece that I thought would get your brain cells going..

To be free of the false self, we must let go of our attachments to all spiritual teachers and concepts. The concepts and beliefs we have of God, Buddha, Jesus, Mohammad, Rama, Krishna, Sai Baba and others are only mirrors of our false selves that, if we become attached to them, prevent realising Love. We need to release all such concepts and beliefs because holding on to them separates us from the One that is beyond all conception.

Dr John Goldthwait

What Exists In The Space Between Thoughts?


Here is the second of the pieces I thought you would enjoy..

The false self does not exists in the space between thoughts because the false self has no reality beyond what our thoughts give it. It is just a thought, a concept that has no reality except in the dualistic world of illusion. We will not believe the false self is mind-created illusion, however, until we actually experience the truth of its non-existence.

Dr John Goldthwait

Poetic Self-Realisation


I have quite a busy few days before my working week kicks in again. As a result of that I won’t have the opportunity to write an original post this weekend. But I came across some fantastic pieces of writing and thought I’d share them with you, spread over three posts. Hopefully, you will enjoy these pieces as much as I did. First, a delightful poem from Kabir.

The wine of the Lord’s love

Becomes more delicious

The more you drink it;

But it is hard to obtain,

For the wine merchant, O Kabir

Demands your head in exchange

~ Kabir

In other words, when the ego (head) has been obliterated, only the Heart remains.

Eyesight To The Blind – Proposed Synopsis

I’m pleased to showcase the proposed synopsis for my forthcoming book, Eyesight To The Blind. I’ve had a few plays with it already, so it may yet change. But I think either way, I’m just about there with it, so any future changes will only be minor. Your comments as readers would be appreciated!

(I’ve made a couple of amendments since the original post).

This is an extraordinary book that tells the story of the author’s journey from a place of darkness to one of light. You will experience a roller coaster ride of highs and lows as he takes your hand and leads you on a guided tour into the depths of depression and despair. Whilst there you will feel his pain, you will be impressed by his brutal honesty and you will also laugh.. a lot! You will then ascend; out of the darkness and into the love.

This is not just another run-of-the-mill book on the paranormal; it is also an essential guide for daily living. Author Richard F Holmes bares his soul as he gives the reader an insight into a medium’s work and life on the road, his well over 200 out-of-body adventures and how he has experienced different realms of existence and interacted with discarnate souls. Incredibly, he then explains how it all pales into insignificance as life starts to reveal its true meaning.

“As I take the reader through each stage of my journey from childhood to present day, I have tried to write from the perspective of the mind-set and understanding that I had at the time. The idea is that the reader evolves with the writer through mutual experience. Although I have refrained from using bad language, the language I have used reflects who I am; after all, you can take the boy out of North London, but you can never take North London out of the boy”.

The beauty of this book however, is the central message that the author conveys via his writing. In life you do not have to be a victim. Each and every one of us is powerful beyond our imagination. It is only the thought that we are not that makes us victims. Eyesight To The Blind is an exciting and powerful book that combines the paranormal with spirituality, but it is also a practical guide for daily living.