Ghost Driver


Well, I almost completely forgot about this little item that I wanted to share with you. A combination of trying to manage my Chronic Fatigue and working on the book are the reasons for this.  Oh, by the way, I’m now on chapter 20 and I think that 21 will just about finish it off. As you may probably recall, I used the “Who Am I?” series of posts as a blueprint for the book, but I didn’t realise how bad some of my writing was in those posts until I started working on the main project, sorry about that peeps! As things stand we are still looking at a June release for Eyesight To The Blind, but I’m not going to rush this one, so if it turns out be later; then so be it.

Anyway, back to the main subject of this post. It concerns my ordination day. The venue at Stoke Gifford was a spiritualist church that I’d served for a few years. But due to the church changing hands, closing and then opening again, it must have been a good ten years since I’d been there. Me being me, I had an idea in my head as to where the venue was, but I didn’t bother to refresh my memory before the big day came. As a result of my very typical behaviour, it wasn’t until I left the M4 motorway and was driving down the exit road to the traffic lights and roundabout, that I realised that I couldn’t remember if I took the left or right-hand lane. Certain indicators told me that I took the right-hand lane; that part of my memory returned, but as I approached the roundabout I then realised that there was something akin to a “spaghetti junction” of lanes going around the aforementioned roundabout, and I simply didn’t have a clue which one I was meant to take.

I pointed the car in the general direction of “in front” as I drove onto the roundabout and its four traffic lanes. At some point the lanes split into 2 x 2, as opposed to 1 x 4, and at the point where they split they were separated by a stretch of tarmac clearly marked as a “no, no” for motorists to drive over. If you were in the wrong lane, tough! You had to go all the way round the roundabout again and have another go at getting it right. I realised that I didn’t have a clue where I was going, and then I noticed I was indeed in the wrong lane. As my car then drove over the area of tarmac which was not for driving over, I realised that even though my hands were on the steering wheel, it wasn’t me that was driving the car; a higher power just seemed to take over.

As the car changed lanes I expected to hear other motorists tooting their horns like crazy at me. But when I glanced around, there was not one single car to be seen anywhere; I had the roundabout all to myself. I was then further relieved when I looked up to see a signpost that said, “Stoke Gifford”. Great! At least I was on the right track.

Then it occurred to me that in the years since I’d driven this way, there had been major changes to the road layout, and Stoke Gifford wasn’t exactly prominently signposted. It was dark anyway, which didn’t help, but I really didn’t have a clue. Every time I came to a junction or roundabout the car just automatically took the right route. It was only when I saw a familiar landmark that I seemed to have the wheel again, and I arrived at my destination with plenty of time to spare.

Incredible as it seems… I wasn’t even surprised…

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Who Am I? Epilogue


When I first started writing this series of posts, what seems like an absolute age ago now, I never dreamed it would stretch to 35 articles. The whole idea was so that people who have only started following my blog in recent years could gain an understanding of where I’ve come from. Having said that, this story has been far from an ego trip, and apart from the spiritual implications of my journey, there is also a very real and practical message in here that I would like to get out. That message is, that in life we will all experience many things that will test us and wear us down. Many of those things will be extremely unpleasant. However, regardless of what we go through, we do not have to be victims. When you are going through pain, it is very easy (and understandable) to blame particular people or circumstances, and it is a common human trait to cling for dear life, on to things that cause us pain. But my point is that you can experience all manner of difficulties, but to be a victim of them, is unfortunately, a choice.

When I look back on where I’ve come from, I actually feel a little bit embarrassed. Because what I experienced seems to me to be very insignificant compared to what some people go through. However, at the time my pain was very real and I will never forget the depths of darkness to which I sank, or the excruciating emotional pain that I felt at times; pain that cut through me like a sword. It was only when I finally realised that the world was not responsible for the way I felt, that I was able to change things. No one but me was responsible for making changes in my life.

One thing that has really been brought home to me from my experiences, is the importance of our parents. Regardless of the kind of relationship, if any, we have with them, they are so important for our growth. As I stated very early in this series, I had extremely difficult relationships with both my parents, but for different reasons. I now understand that I was there for their growth as much as they were there for mine. I also now understand that both of them did a fantastic job in accordance with the understanding and level of consciousness that they had. So, Dick and Elsie, I salute you! I also have to admit that I must have been an absolute nightmare for them at times! Another thing that I now understand is that both of them were a reflection of me, and I of them; reflecting the good as well as the not so good.

My journey has been one of an awakening. However, I am the first to admit that I have some way to go yet. I know this because if I was a fully realized soul, I would not be talking about journeys and awakening, because in Consciousness there is nowhere to go and nothing to awaken from. I firmly believe that my chronic fatigue is a part of my awakening process, and there is something else that I know many of you will be able to relate to. If you are a spiritually minded person; and I’m presuming you are if you are reading this, have you noticed that several old and stale traits that you thought you’d dealt with years ago have started to rear their heads again? My understanding, although I’m not saying that this is set in stone, is that when we are awakening, we can only awaken in stages; very few souls have the traumatic experience of sudden and complete awakening. The process can be very painful indeed so we have to awaken gradually. When we become more and more evolved after clearing out what we believe to be all the debris lodged in the soul, it can be quite a surprise when “stuff” starts to pop up again. But this can be likened to the “exhaust fumes” effect that I spoke about in a previous article. After the vehicle has long gone, the smell of exhaust fumes lingers in the air until it too dissipates.

Speaking of sudden and complete awakening. One soul who went through such a process was the Indian sage, Ramana Maharshi; this is described in great detail in the book, The Mind of Ramana Maharshi by Arthur Osborne. I can thoroughly recommend this book, and indeed, all of the Arthur Osborne books on the teachings of the great man. My own awakening process has escalated greatly since I became aware of the Maharshi and his teachings.

So, this is it folks. Thank you for continuing to support my blog and please do “like” and leave a comment. I will now leave you with the answer to the question, “Who Am I”?, that I have asked 35 times during the writing of my story. But before I do, I just want to let you know that I have decided to put all this into book form, for release in 2018. The book will contain more detail and will be called, Eyesight To The Blind.

Yes, I have experienced dark times. I “suffered” with depression for an estimated 28 years, I have “suffered” psychological abuse, also for a prolonged period of time and I have been on the receiving end of domestic violence and “suffered” organisational abuse. One thing that I have not revealed until now is that I also experienced sexual abuse at the age of 8. It only happened once, but once was enough! I experienced my acute stress related illness too, which finally served as my wake up call. Throughout all this I chose to be a victim and suffered the consequences of that choice until I realised that all the answers were contained within me. I then embarked on my spiritual journey, which also had its ups and downs, the main focus of which was my work as a medium. Now as I type it is two days since undertaking my last ever booking in that line of work. I don’t know what the future holds, but I suppose the only true answer to that is, that the future will hold for me whatever my mind creates.

I have come to the understanding that there really is only consciousness, and nothing else, that there really is nothing to do except to allow oneself to be as a hollow bamboo in order that the higher power may weave its magic through us. I am a beautiful soul, a being of light, having an imaginary adventure; during which I will hopefully get to know myself in my own experience and love myself for the delightful soul that I am. In a nutshell…

I am that I am..

Finally….

Before and After

Me looking like an axe killer! Taken in Bielefeld hostel during my Who blasting days.

 

 

Silence


At the end of my last post, Who Am I? Part Fourteen, I said you would have part fifteen before you know it… Obviously, that hasn’t happened and I apologise for that. Unfortunately, since my last post my chronic fatigue has been playing up more than normal and I simply haven’t had the energy or the focus to be able to write. I really don’t like going too long without posting, so I thought I would share this beautifully inspiring piece of wisdom from Ramana Maharshi with you. Please bear with me, and I will write part fifteen as soon as I’m able. It’s only about another 16 days before I go off to Nepal for three weeks, so I’m hoping to give you parts sixteen and seventeen as well. In the meantime, here’s The Maharshi…

Silence is ever speaking. It is a perennial flow of language, which is interrupted by speaking. These words I am speaking obstruct that mute language. For example, there is electricity flowing in a wire. With resistance to its passage, it glows as a lamp or revolves as a fan. In the wire it remains as electric energy. Similarly also, silence is the eternal flow of language, obstructed by words.