Who Am I? Part Thirty Four


I stated right at the beginning of my story that I always felt that I never belonged anywhere, and that remains the case today. The only difference between now and then, is that these days I understand why. It’s just as well because I don’t think I’ve ever felt more different that I do now. Even within the spiritual environment I have never felt as though I fitted in; I have never been mainstream with regard to my work as a medium. As a result of this, over the last few years I have questioned even more the purpose of me carrying on with this type of work. Work that is so far removed from the reality of Self and which relies on the presence of the false-self in order to function. Work that will ultimately only serve to hold me back (due to its dualistic nature). Hence, in the last few years more and more of my regular churches and centres stopped booking me, and I too, became much more choosy with regard to which ones I served. The culmination of this is that this coming Sunday, 3 December 2017, I will be taking my last Divine Service. It will be at the spiritualist church in Stroud; which was one of the first centres I served way back in 2002. They say you should never say never, but there would have to be some really special reason for me to stand up as a medium again.

I mentioned in a previous post the feeling of not being a part of the chaos that goes on around us in the world; but rather, simply being a witness. Well that is something else that has become more and more prominent these last few years. Another thing I wanted to mention is that I have also pulled away from the Sai Baba groups as well. They undoubtedly do a lot of good work, but something that sticks in my mind is this. When Swami walked among us he would always emphasise that he was not the body, and that we should not worship his physical form. But even though Swami gave up his body in April 2011, I still find devotees bowing down to photos and worshipping them. Swami remains in my heart, but I have no attachment to photos.

I suppose this last post in the series (apart from the summary post) is really all about tying up a few loose ends, so there is a couple of things that I will touch on here to take us up to the end of Part Thirty Three.

A wise man once said that the universe only exists when there is an observer; and of course, this is true, as we ourselves create the world in which we live via our thoughts. All that exists is consciousness; which vibrates as energy at varying degrees of subtlety. What we see as the world is a combination of two things; a reflection of what is going on inside us, and our mind’s interpretation of the particular vibration we are gazing at. Which brings me onto my out-of-body experiences. I believe I mentioned earlier in my story that somebody once asked me, “why, what’s the point”? It made me think, and I came to the conclusion that they occurred in order that I could inform others that there most certainly is more than what we experience here in the physical world. That’s fine, but I now look at things from a different angle. Firstly, you can only have an out-of-body experience if you assume that the body actually exists. Secondly, as everything we can see in this world is mind construct, it must stand to reason that everything we can see in the astral worlds must also be mind construct; albeit at a different level of vibration. Therefore my view now of what I once believed were incredible astral adventures, is that they have the same meaning as standing up and demonstrating mediumship or slapping someone around the face with a wet Kipper; in other words, they only have the meaning I choose to give them and in ultimate reality they don’t exist. These days my out-of-body experiences are very few and far between, and those that I have are very rarely worth writing about.

I would also like to mention something that I first wrote about in 2010; this is something I learned from my two visits to India. Westerners, understandably, have a habit of reacting to the extreme poverty they witness (especially concerning children) when visiting countries such as India, by wanting to help. This is very commendable, and some Westerners actually try to do something during their visit that they believe will help those in need. However, we need to be really careful how and when we do this, because we can actually end up causing more harm than good. As visitors, we don’t always understand the culture of the community we find ourselves in. I noticed in Puttaparthi that people can get very jealous if they see others in similar situations to themselves, seemingly being given preferential treatment by visitors. When we visit these countries we are only there for a matter of weeks before we move on. Once we have gone, those that we helped may be the subject of retribution by those who are jealous. They can be ostracized, or even beaten. There are quite often official organisations who will accept donations towards their projects. In many cases you can even decide where your money goes. In India, for example, if you wanted to donate Rs1000, you could ask for Rs250 to go towards feeding the poor, Rs250 to go towards a women’s shelter, Rs250 to go towards helping children and Rs250 to go towards an animal shelter. Or any amount and any combination that you wish.

My dear friends, I will return soonest with Who Am I? The Epilogue. Take care!

 

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A Form Of Self-Harm


So, how many of us would grasp a hot coal in our hands? Under normal circumstances nobody would. Why? Because even the slightest touch of a hot coal would burn, but to grasp one and hold it tight! What kind of madness would that be? This being the case, why then do we humans have a habit of torturing ourselves by clinging on to negative emotions and old and stale mind-sets? It’s complete madness, but as a species, this is what we do.

We cause ourselves so much unnecessary pain through our insistence on clinging on to the past for dear life. When our buttons are pushed the mind (ego) pedals a tale of woe based on events from the past. The story triggers a series of negative feelings, which are in turn expressed as negative emotions.

The next time your buttons are pushed try not to go along with the story. Simply be a witness to the thoughts and accept that they are there. Like everything that is of the ego those thoughts are transient; they are just passing through. If you ride with them your mind will expand on the story and you will be falling into the same old trap, which will cause you stress and pain. Even if you are an aggressor when your buttons are pushed, you will ultimately only be hurting yourself.

Every time you become aware of your thoughts in these situations, and every time you just accept them in the knowledge that you are simply a witness and every time you refrain from running with the story you allow a part of the old you, the false-self, to dissolve away. Eventually the false-self will disappear completely. This happens because you are not your thoughts, you are that which is aware of them, and when you connect with this awareness, you are connecting with your true nature. You are actually becoming aware of awareness itself; you are experiencing yourself as the eternal witness.

Red Snappa And The Mothers Of Reinvention


TAJ-Final Version-EBYes, your eyes are not deceiving you! It’s a spoof title; and why not? My first spoof title since the heady days of Aliens Ate My Grandmother etc. at the time of the so-called “shift”. I thought it was about time I spoofed things up a bit and gave you an update in the process.

You may remember that some months ago I said I was in the process of reinventing myself. I also announced that I’d unpublished all my books and took my CDs out of circulation. I still don’t know exactly what form the new me is going to take, but it seems that the wheels have started to turn slowly, so here I am. I have felt for a long time that I urgently need to broaden my horizons; and the best way to do this is to travel to different places. Up to now the stumbling block has always been the cost involved; travel being so much more expensive than it used to be, but now the means has materialised to enable me to see a bit more of the world. I’m starting fairly close to home, with a trip up to Northern Scotland. After that, there are so many options. I have he following itinerary in my head: Iceland, Cyprus, as many countries in mainland Europe that I can cram in, India (two trips) and Nepal.

In the meantime I have republished three of my books, (two as eBooks and paperback and one as a paperback only), and I’m in the process of reissuing two of my CDs. I’m also still doing my work as a medium, but this is something that I will be doing very little of in the future. The truth is that for many years now I have seen mediumship for what it is, and it has become nothing short of a chore. I simply cannot get excited about churning out the same old mundane messages anymore. I’m finding it more and more difficult to motivate myself as each demonstration rears its head in my diary. You see friends, the process of mediumship takes place at a very low level of spiritual understanding, and it simply does not resonate with me anymore; it no longer serves my soul.

Friends say to me, “ah yes, but it gives them comfort”, or, “it gives them hope”. That is true, but people have to realise that comfort and hope are “of the world”, and subject to relativity. You can’t go through life clutching at straws and expect it to get you somewhere; and when I’m the one offering the straws it gets downright boring. I feel that my creativity is being stunted. The comfort you get today will surely turn to discomfort before you can blink, because you are looking in the wrong place for what you seek. The only thing a medium can promise you is that all the fear, grief and pain that was torturing you when you awoke this morning, will still be torturing you tomorrow morning regardless of whether a medium gives you a message or not.

Spiritualism as a religion is sill puffing and wheezing its way towards the 21st Century and is not able to bring people out of the spiritual wilderness they find themselves in. Spiritualism relies on the existence of something that does not exist for its own existence; namely the separate self. If there were no messages the Spiritualist churches would be empty, and I don’t feel that I can continue to “feed” a lie. I intend to honour the bookings I already have for the rest of this year and next, but I will also have to cancel a few to accommodate my travel plans. I imagine that I will continue to serve a small handful of venues as long as I remain in the area. However, they will be the venues that have always been very supportive of me and where I have maintained excellent relationships.

It is also true to say that these days mediums are ten-a-penny, and there are plenty of them around to give people the kind of stuff that is craved by the “false self”. Whether we like it or not, the day must surely come when we have to accept that we are God and that there is only One of us!

As for me? Who knows? The doors of my life adventure are open, it’s just a matter of me having the vision to see this so I can enjoy the ride. Watch this space!