Observing Our Own Fear


According to the likes of Eckhart Tolle and Rupert Spira, it’s quite common for people who are going through a spiritual awakening process to experience the resurfacing of negative traits, which were thought to have been dealt with ages ago.  Not only that, but also to experience feelings of fear, hopelessness and vulnerability.  This is something that I have been very aware of in my own daily existence for the past few years.  However, the fact that I am actually aware of these experiences, is a very positive factor.  I decided on this as a theme for a blog post, because I thought it would be very helpful for anyone who is experiencing the same thing as me.

My understanding of why this happens is because the ego (which doesn’t really exist) knows that it is on borrowed time, and does its utmost to stay alive; as long as there is fear and the derivatives thereof, the ego will continue to thrive.  Normally, we are so wrapped up in our egoic earthly existence, we get completely sucked in by the “story” being told by the mind.  We demonstrate negative traits and feel negative emotions without the awareness of them.  Not in the context that is meant here anyway.

I have written in many previous posts about how we are “the witness” to the drama that is going on around us, and not participants in the true sense.  So, I feel that it is encouraging to know that even though past negatives may have reared their heads, and doubt and fear have crept in, it is not necessarily a bad thing.  Even though these things still don’t exactly feel good, what is good about it is that I am observing these feelings not only within my body, but also as a detached witness who knows that this is not who I am.  With this understanding, all such thoughts and feelings pass through and dissolve away.  The Self is always exactly as it is; ever still, ever the witness and ever reflecting the light of consciousness.  

 

Debate


As I’ve gone through this life and gradually evolved, two things have occurred to me. Firstly, the actual mystery of life becomes less and less of a mystery. Secondly, and paradoxically, as the mystery of life reveals itself as the “simplicity” of life, I realise more and more how little I actually know; which brings me onto the title of this little post.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Debate! The above statement has brought home to me, like never before, the sheer fruitlessness of getting into debates about spirituality and religion. People have to grow and evolve at their own pace, and this quite often involves holding certain beliefs that may not ultimately be true, but are serving their purpose by way of a stepping-stone. I am also of the opinion, that if you get into a debate with another person about any subject whatsoever, the “winner” will not necessarily be the one who is closest to the truth, it will be the one who has the greater debating skills.

Swami, Sri Sathya Sai Baba always used to say, “never get into debates about spirituality and religion because they are sure to descend into arguments.”

I am now of the view that it is far better to remain as “the witness” and let others debate to their hearts’ content.

Maybe…


There was once a simple farmer who kept a horse in his field.  One day the horse got loose and ran away.  A neighbour heard this news, and on crossing paths with the farmer said, “such bad news about your horse.”  “Maybe”, said the farmer.  A few days passed and the horse returned, bringing with it two more wild horses.  Again the neighbour heard this news and on meeting the farmer in town said, “fantastic news about the horses.”  “Maybe”, said the farmer.

One day a few weeks later, the farmer’s son was breaking in one of the new horses and it threw him, fracturing his leg in the process.  The neighbour came to visit and on hearing what had happened said, “such bad luck with your son’s broken leg.”  “Maybe”, said the farmer.  Soon after this incident some officials from the military came calling.  They were drafting young men into the army to go and fight in a war.  On seeing the son’s condition they didn’t bother with him and went away.  Again the neighbour heard and on seeing the farmer exclaimed, “such great luck that your son does not have to go to war.”  “Maybe”, said the farmer.

This lovely little parable aptly illustrates several things that can be the cause of pain and suffering if we remain unaware of our true nature (consciousness).  The farmer was obviously accepting of “what is.”  He also understood that good and bad are simply personal judgements, and that the nature of the phenomenal world is cyclic.

He did not judge each situation as it occurred.  He simply accepted each scenario in the understanding that the natural flow of nature would soon carry it on its way.  Had he not accepted the seemingly unfortunate events exactly as they were, and instead formed a judgement that they were “bad”, the story playing out in his mind would have caused him to suffer.  Equally, had he allowed the seemingly good fortune of events to carry him off on the crest of a wave, the judgement made by the egoic mind when the fortunes were reversed would have also caused him to suffer.  In consciousness there is no relativity, no phenomena, nothing to judge.  Instead of becoming embroiled, the farmer remained “the witness” to the dramas playing out before him on the stage we call life.

 

 

Impermanence


My previous post, “Without Blinking An Eye”, was the last of the parable-related posts for my forthcoming book.  I’m now going to completely digress; I say that because I’m going to share with you a true experience that I had recently, which is related to my day job.  It is extremely rare for me to write about my day job because I work for an organisation, and my views on certain matters are worlds away from the views of the aforementioned organisation.  There is also a requirement for me to maintain a very, very high level of confidentiality, as I’m sure you will understand in due course.

I actually have two jobs with the same organisation.  I have my contracted weekly hours and I also have my “bank” hours, which means that I work on an ad-hoc basis as and when required.  When I’m working bank, it involves me going out into the community with another more experienced professional.  We provide personal care to people who are terminally sick and who have chosen to die at home.  Quite recently I was doing a bank shift and was required to visit a house that is situated in a very affluent part of the UK.  The area attracts the rich and famous and my colleague and I had to visit a property that was tucked away from the rest of what is a quite stunningly beautiful village.  We had to drive around a mile and a half down a track before we came to the old farmhouse.  I will try my best to describe the scene for you.

My colleague told me that there was also some tennis courts, although I’m assuming that they were obscured by the trees as I didn’t see them.  However… when we arrived it was apparent that it had once been a working farm; this was evidenced by the piece of farm machinery that was situated just across the way from the main house.  We entered and found it to be a bit of a maze of stairways and landings.  We were greeted by the live-in carer, who had quite a strong South African accent, and were shown up the stairs, through the maze and into a bedroom.  What I found incredible was all the paintings adorning the walls; they were everywhere and obviously very, very old.  I don’t know who the paintings were of, but they were all of people who were dressed in what I would call Shakespearean-type clothes.  There was also quite a prominence of antique furniture.

The views from the bedroom were incredible and I imagined the beauty of the seasons in all their glory, tantalizing the windows with their magnificence.  As we walked into the room, on the left, there was a mahogany four-poster bed that had obviously been intricately carved by hand and was very old.  There was also various other pieces of old furniture; the four-poster bed, however, was empty.  On the same side of the room as the door, and in juxtaposition to the rest of the room, there had at some stage been a flurry of 1970s-type carpentry, and the entire wall had been converted into a series of built-in cupboards (presumably used as wardrobes); it really did look out of place alongside everything else.  There was also a spattering of old black and white photos from days long gone dotted around the place.  Moments in time captured by the camera lens, showing young, happy and affluent people in all their Englishness.  In spite of the views and the antique furniture the bedroom was very gloomy and had a most unwelcoming feel to it.

Across from the foot of the four-poster was a hospital bed, which had been provided in readiness of its occupant’s pending death.  The hospital bed is the most amazing piece of equipment.  It can be moved, raised and lowered, this way and that, ensuring maximum patient comfort and easy access for healthcare professionals.

In the bed was the tiny, frail figure of an elderly lady who had no more than hours left for this world.  My colleague and I did what we could from a care perspective, endeavouring to be as least disruptive as possible.  It was quite a surreal experience for me.  I was “the witness” to a scene in the play of life, that was being acted out on the stage before me.  It was as though the totality was shouting at me, although not in an aggressive way, but in a way that was saying to me, “now make sure you understand what is being shown to you here.”  It brought home to me the sheer impermanence of this life, this world and all the nonsense that goes with it.  There must have been a truly eye-watering amount of money tied up in that property.  The paintings and the frames alone must have been worth millions of pounds.  It was quite unbelievable really; as I looked down at the almost pathetic figure that lay in the bed, so very weak and barely clinging to life, I thought to myself that the paintings, the antique furniture, the house and the land were completely worthless in the grander scheme of things.  All of those things had once instigated a brief encounter with worldly happiness for the owners.  But worldly happiness, like all other worldly things is subject to relativity and cannot last.

What use was an antique four-poster and 300-400 year-old paintings to the elderly occupant of the bed?  It is important to understand that it is not wrong to enjoy nice “things”.  We do, after all, live in a material world.  It is important however, to realise that these things are all a part of the river that is life; just flowing nonchalantly by, and soon to be nothing more than a distant memory.  Do enjoy nice things when they come your way, but in the understanding that what really matters is not the “nice things” themselves, but the substratum from which they rise up from and ultimately dissolve away into.