Love is my form
Truth is my breath
Bliss is my food
My life is my message
Expansion is my life
No season for Love
No reason for Love
No birth, No death
Baba
Love Is My Form
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Author Archives: Author Richard F Holmes
Swami Is More Omnipresent Than Ever
It is now three weeks since dear Baba left his physical form, and it is apparent to me that he is just as Omnipresent, if not more so, than ever. No doubt millions of devotees all over the globe will be having the same thoughts, having experienced such as I have, the power of Swami’s love since his “departure”.
This demonstration of the awesome power of Sri Sathya Sai reminds me of my experiences during the first few days of my visit to Prasanthi Nilayam during October 2009. At one stage I ended up sitting on a wall in the ashram blubbing like a child. The reason being that The Avatar very rarely guides us and touches us in ways that we expect. I had felt Baba’s love in my heart for many years, indeed I had been reduced to tears of joy on many occasions by the merest touch of this most Divine Spirit. Now here I was in the very grounds of his “house”, The Abode of The Highest Peace, basking in the Avatar’s love, yet all I had experienced was hassle and a feeling of great isolation*. This is not what I expected, and I was in despair.
But the Avatar always knows what he is doing and this situation was no different. During those first few days on the ashram I experienced having no control over my life whatsoever. I experienced feeling as insignificant as a single grain of sand in the Sahara Desert. I felt as though I was being controlled like a puppet; it was as though there was some unseen force pulling the strings and my body was moving in accordance with this motion. Every move I made, every corner I turned came to a dead end, a brick wall. I was completely helpless….. and that was frightening, believe me. It was as though my entire life flashed before me (though not literally, it was just a feeling) and the conclusion was that the whole lot, all I had seen, done and experienced was of no consequence whatsoever. It had no significance, no meaning; I was frightened. Why had God in human form called me to his house to treat me in this way. My first thought was to condemn Baba for “letting me down”. Another thought told me that there was a reason for this, but the result was total confusion. But God knows best!
As time went on the realisation came to me that this was Swami’s way of giving me a first hand demonstration of his awesome power. He knows each of us inside out. he knows all our thoughts even before we think them, but most importantly…. he knows our hearts and he knows exactly what each of us NEEDS, as opposed to what we think we want, in order to grow spiritually. For some people Baba manifested rings and necklaces out of thin air, for others he materialised vibhuti ash, other people were given personal interviews, but in my case Swami chose to frighten the life out of me in order to demonstrate his Divinity. Don’t you just love him!
* For a fuller explanation please refer to my book Astral Travelling, The Avatar and Me, UKUnpublished ISBN 978-1-84944-073-8
Who Dunnit? The Amazing Case Of The Missing Cassette Tape
In the early 1990’s I was still very much trying to find myself, and in my misguidedness, spent most of my leisure time watching very predictable rock and blues bands in the equally predictable pubs of Swindon in Wiltshire. Music was my main passion at the time and I had been (and still am) an admirer of the guitar playing of Keith Richards. Keef, as he is affectionately known, released a solo album around this time called “Main Offender“. As Christmas approached it came to pass that my nephew, Steve, was going to buy me two cassttes as Christmas presents. I requested Main Offender and one other, the name of which escapes me. This isn’t particularly unusual, except for the fact that getting anything out of Steve was like getting blood from a stone, so I wasn’t going to miss the chance of getting, not one, but two presents off him in one hit. As things turned out the other cassette was out of stock when he went to buy them, and in true Steve fashion, his promise to “get it for you later” remained just a promise. But one out of two wasn’t bad in any situation concerning the Holmesies.
Just after getting my copy of Main Offender I went to stay with my mother on a temporary basis while I sorted out one of the many messes that became the norm in my life. When the time came for me to move on I couldn’t find the cassette anywhere. I knew exactly where I’d put it but it was no where to be seen. I hunted high and low as I cleared all my belongings from the upstairs bedroom, but to no avail.
There was a 1960’s dressing table in that bedroom with a small cupboard on each side. The cupboards contained very narrow shelves; ideal for storing a couple of cassette tapes. I was convinced that this was where I’d put the cassette, but it just wasn’t there. Over the years during visits to my mother I continued to search the bedroom in every nook and cranny, and yes, I looked in the dresser cupboards every time, but they were empty.
As the years rolled by my mother became more and more frail, and almost inevitably, dementia started to set in. It got to the point where I had to get her moved as she was finding the stairs more and more difficult. The time came when the move was going ahead and I started to pack and move as much stuff as I could before the removals van came to take the bigger items. It got to the point where the bedroom I’d slept in was empty except for bed, wardrobe and dresser. I decided to tape up the drawers and side cupboards to make moving the dresser easier, and as I did so, force of habit prompted me to look once again in the side cupboards, which of course would be empty. To my amazement when I opened the cupboards they were empty except for one single item….my copy of “Main Offender” by Keef Richards.
I have never been able to fathom out the purpose of spirit resorting to these kinds of tricks. I could understand if I had no understanding of spirit and they were trying to attract my attention. But I had already been a working medium for three years and I just didn’t see what purpose it served apart from causing mild amusement. As I muse on this today I can only assume that the tape was apported away out of mischief by “soul or souls unknown” and returned by “friend or friends unknown” out of a simple act of spirit kindness. Either way I will never know who nicked my copy of Main Offender, and the amazing case of the missing cassette tape will remain unsolved forever.
Spain here I come!
Aftermath
It’s now seven days since Swami left his body and the dust appears to be settling. It is apparent, however, that Baba is not conspicuous by his absence, rather the opposite. He is just as present as ever, if not more so, it’s just that he is no longer identifiable by his beautiful physical form; and beautiful it most certainly was. I’ll never forget the first time I saw him close up. He was (and is) actually beautiful. I wrote in my book “Astral Travelling, The Avatar and Me” that I never ever dreamed in a million years that I would end up describing a man as beautiful. But Swami was definitely not of this world and his form was most exquisitely beautiful.
Like other devotees I have spoken to I am more determined than ever to carry out Swami’s will in the aftermath of his physical demise. But I feel a pull in a different direction. I feel alienated from the Sai Baba groups, as though my time is done there and pastures new beckon. It’s actually quite exciting, with all the changes happening around the planet and the consciousness of the human race rising as I type.
For me there was one particular thing that disappointed me over the last week or so. In the UK there was hardly any media coverage (which is not a bad thing) but what little coverage there was just HAD to mention all the negative stuff that’s been circulated about Swami over the years. They just couldn’t resist it could they. They just had to slip into the story all the horrendous and unfounded allegations levied against a wonderful soul who gave so much and took nothing in return. Friends circulated some photos via email of Baba’s last darshan on March 25th. He looked so frail and ill…..but what was he doing…..blessing the masses, that’s what. He knew he was leaving but he was still giving. I find it so tragic and sad that the media have never been able to see this. It’s such a shame that in an industry that supposedly prides itself on reporting news in a truthful and factual way, they choose to compromise their principles for the sake of a tacky story.
Baba lives! He is more omnipresent than ever.
Jai Sai Ram
Tears
I don’t know where this came from, but I first posted it on 28 April 2011. Such beauty has gotta be worth a re-blog!
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”
What Next?
Like all Sai devotees I now await the descent into flesh of Prema Sai Baba.
God Goes Home
Easter Sunday 24 April 2011 started off as a normal day. I was in no hurry to get out of bed, eventually doing so at around 09:20. Whilst having my first cup of tea of the day I went about my morning routine of going online and posting my thought for the day on Facebook and checking other online stuff. I went into one of my email addresses and there was one solitary email, from my friend V in South Africa. It was very short and to the point; it said quite simply “Swami has left”. I was quite numb at first. My beloved Swami, Sri Sathya Sai Baba had left his physical body. There had been signs for some time that Baba was getting ready to go, and in recent weeks it became increasingly apparent that devotees were going to have to accept that this was the case. It was still hard to believe though; you don’t expect Swami to go, simply because he has always been there. For a number of hours I cried intermittently; not out of grief, for I know there is no such thing as death, but for the sheer love of Baba and the realisation that he gave so much to us, yet took nothing for himself. His love was, and still is, boundless and I am truly blessed to have been touched by Baba’s love on many, many occasions.
I count my blessings that I received the call to go to Baba’s ashram, Prasanthi Nilayam (abode of the highest peace), on two occasions in the 18 months preceding his physical departure. It was during my second visit in February 2010 that I got my first hint that “Divine Mother Sai” may be preparing to leave. I was chatting to an American guy who had an apartment in Puttaparthi, where the ashram is situated. He was saying how Swami’s physical health had been going rapidly downhill and that he had made an unprecedented gesture. Baba had made an announcement formally inviting devotees from all over the world to attend the ashram during 2010, on a pilgrimage basis. My friend told me that this had never been done before in all the years that Baba had been resident at Prasanthi (since the 1940’s). My friend went on to say that he felt Baba was getting ready to leave his body and this was his parting gesture of love to devotees worldwide. Because of the sheer volume of people the pilgrimage was organised with the utmost precision and only so many countries at a time could attend, for periods of ten days only. Of course, this only applied to the organised pilgrimages; anyone can go to Prasanthi as long as they receive the inner calling “not even 20,000 horses can bring you here if you are not called” Baba
At the time I remember thinking that this was not to be taken seriously, and I politely humoured my American friend. Little did I know how right he was. Now as I sit here and muse about this strange day it hasn’t quite sunk in that Sri Sathya Sai Baba has left his physical body. Probably because I’ve had so many inner experiences with Baba…… and a physical body has never been essential to our relationship in the past…. so why should it be now? He always touched me with his love across time and space; so often my eyes welled up with tears of joy as he enveloped me in his loving light. On one occasion he even blessed me with an astral experience by lifting me from my physical body and carrying me off into the ether.
I suppose that, at some stage, even God has to go home…..but I don’t expect it to change my relationship with him.
Jai Sai Ram
