Joy And Grief Are One


My first you tube video in absolutely ages…


Guest Writer

This is the first time I have had a non-author as a guest writer on my blog.  However, my latest guest nonetheless has a story to tell.  She requested that I use a pseudonym as she wished to remain anonymous, therefore I will now hand you over to Mary.

A Visit From Rob

In the summer of 2007 my husband passed to Spirit.  We had no children and I have no living relative so his loss really did mean the end of the life I had known. Overnight my companion, best friend, playmate and all the memories of 30 years disappeared and when it became apparent I could not expect any support  from ‘close friends’, I plunged headfirst into a loneliness and despair from which I had little expectation of ever emerging again.  My isolation was absolute.  I received no communication from the outside world for  months on end and as this state of misery  persisted found I had little will or energy to try and change things.  No one ever warns  just how exhausting the process of deep grieving is.

Evenings seemed to get lonelier as time passed. To shorten them I went to bed earlier and earlier.  But I could not sleep and the radio on low volume provided a level of companionable sound in an otherwise silent house. Whilst listening to a radio play one evening I became aware of the weight of a comforting arm around my shoulder and I lay for some while, completely still, scarcely breathing, lest the spell be broken.  But the spell did break and the weight seemed to dissolve and, for once, I slept deeply.

For many days I considered what had happened.  My heart said it was Rob but then I dismissed that idea as a fancy.    I was unsettled. Eventually I got the idea to seek out a reputable medium.  That interview was so comforting and uplifting that I started to attend my local Spiritualist Church regularly in the hope I would get more contact from my husband.

I waited two full years but no contact came. During that time I had got to know a few people at my local church and one evening one of them told me that I was waking on the stroke of 3 a.m each morning and that when this next happened I should rest on my elbows and make quite sure I was fully awake. I would then feel pressure on my leg. He could not say more except, that according to his Spirit Guide, I could expect something special.

On 28 October 2009 I awoke at 3am.  Mindful of what had been said I sat up in bed. I was definitely awake. The room was dark and chilly. I pulled the duvet up around my bare shoulders  and looked again at the time.  Four minutes had passed. I lay still for a bit longer and then felt a gentle pressure on the outside of my right calf.  I was stunned. Not knowing how to react I rolled over towards the centre of the bed and slid my hand under  the other pillows and there to my amazement Rob appeared to be laying beside me but on top of the bedclothes.  He was fully dressed in a sports jacket white shirt and golf club tie, navy trousers and highly polished shoes. He had his eyes shut and he looked beautiful. He had his usual outdoorsy tan but his skin had another quality, which I have no real means to describe to you. His skin had a silky, pearly quality as if subtly lit  from within. The effect of this light reminded me of white under ultra violet light but a gentler effect and not so stark or glaring. All this was clearly visible during the small hours in an unlit room in late October.

We talked but I do not remember seeing his lips move or hearing any sound.  It went thus:-

Me:   What are you doing here ?  Why have you come ?

Rob:  I was sent.

Me:    I am OK.  You don’t need to worry about me.

Rob:   I watched that film Ghost with you the other evening,

Me:   Yes Patrick Swayze died of the same thing as you and they are showing his films.

Rob:  I watched that other one with you too….Dirty something or other. Didn’t like it

Whilst we had this very mundane conversation Rob remained flat on his back whilst I was leaning on my elbow looking at him.  Over his abdomen I could see Bessie, my dog, asleep in her basket. She had not stirred.  I could see the time on the clock radio at the other side of the bed from mine. It was 3.20am. I could see the rest of the room clearly and in detail as if it was the middle of the afternoon.

Then Rob got up from the bed and walked around it towards the window. I made a note of his height against the cupboard door. He seemed to be looking at the curtain pole as if there was something wrong with it. The roller binds were pulled down. They are not blackout blinds  and I observed that it appeared to be as daylight outside which enabled me to see his face and for the first time I saw him with his eyes open as he turned towards me and gave me a very loving smile which was full of support and understanding. Whilst I watched him he simply melted away.

I was now laying on my back having watched Rob walk around the bedroom until he departed.  My clock said just 3.40am. The room had gone back to dark.  I was aware of how smooth my hands felt. Rubbing them together I noticed they made no noise. They felt as if I had used the very best of hand creams.  Then I realised my fingers and parts of my palms had the same light I had seen on Rob’s skin.  It was all very overwhelming emotionally and I chose to sleep and think about it all in the morning.

On waking everything that I remembered seemed like a dream. It was as if the act of sleeping had altered my belief that all this had actually happened. Had I dreamt it all ?  My first instinct was to get up and see what was wrong with the curtain pole and yes there was a mark just where Rob seemed to be looking.  Then I arranged pillows to check the sight line to the dog and the other radio alarm. Yes that all checked out too. And his height against the cupboard door measured correctly.  I needed a long walk to clear my mind.

On return I decided to speak to the medium who had for warned me.  And yes he already knew from his Spirit Guide I had received my night visitor.   I will add that neither before nor since this occurrence have I ever dreamt of Rob.  I am told this is because I would choose to stay with him and not return to live out the rest of my life.   What passes between us during my sleeping hours will never be remembered by me. Over two years after his visit and nearly five years after his passing I have never yet dreamt of him.


The Astral Adventure Of A Lifetime

Just when I thought my days of incredible astral adventures were over I’m blessed with the mother of all out-of-body experiences; if ever anything was worth waiting for, this most certainly was.

As in most cases it started as a dream, and not a very nice one, although not a
nightmare.  The dream seemed to be centred on “basements”; and dark ones at that.  At one point I found myself trying to clamber through a ground level window in order to get into a basement.  The window was very narrow in height so I couldn’t struggle through, but width-wise it was more than long enough for my body.  The reason I needed to clamber through was because a bomb was about to go off, although I didn’t see this bomb at any point.  As dreams do, this one shifted, and I found myself in a dark basement where someone had stuck a pin in me.  I think I pulled this pin out, but there was someone else whom I couldn’t see in the darkness who was not only trying to stick more pins in me, but also inject me.  I was trying to keep this person at arm’s length and we seemed to take a tumble in the darkness.  At this point I woke up but kept my eyes closed.

In my wakened state I was aware of the familiar feeling of being enfolded in a spirit presence.  I was kind of hoping that I would now be taken on a journey, but I wasn’t holding my breath, given the length of time since my last significant experience.  But I suddenly felt myself being carried off, and as is the norm when this happens, I sent out my thoughts to my companion expressing my gratitude.  The journey seemed to go on for a while and when I was eventually dropped off I initially felt a bit disappointed.  The journey had been so smooth but it seemed that I had been taken for a ride only to arrive straight back in my body.  But I very quickly became pleasantly surprised.  What made me think that I was straight back in my body was the continued darkness.  But through this darkness I could just about make out someone coming towards me and I knew then that I had been taken to a specific destination.  I could not make out this person’s face but they took my hand and led me into the darkness; and I followed in child-like innocence.

We arrived at what looked like the entrance to a classroom.  There was a lot of activity; people milling around and comings and goings etc.  What happened next was truly wonderful.

People seemed to be greeting each other with short hugs and kisses on the cheek.  A young white male soul passed by on his way into the classroom and insisted (not in an aggressive way) that I kiss him on the cheek.  I did this and noticed that although he was extremely active and energetic, there did not appear to be any warmth or emotion; it was almost mechanical.  However, a fair-skinned black lady; very slender and beautiful, appeared from nowhere, came straight up to me and greeted me (calling me by name), she gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek saying how great it was to see me.  I felt a very deep spiritual connection to her as if I’d known her forever, but it happened so fast and she disappeared into the classroom.  I was then engaged in conversation with another darker black lady, and after we exchanged pleasantries, I said to her something like “you do realise I haven’t got a clue what’s going on here don’t you”.  She acknowledged this, and even though we were communicating via telepathy, she opened her mouth to reveal the strangest looking teeth I’ve ever seen.

Another black lady who seemed to know me appeared.  We greeted and I remember telling her how good she looked.  She said I was looking good as well, radiating many different colours.  Even in my out-of-body state this made me think, because even though I could see and touch all other souls present, I could not see my own astral form.  I can’t remember exactly what I said to her next, but after she told me I was radiating many colours I told her that I had some sort of defect or dis-ease going on at the moment.  I got the impression that she was a kind of therapist because in a really matter-of-fact way she said we could carry out some sort of healing process to correct it.  Now I can’t remember her exact words but I think she said something like “that’s ok we can carry out a criminal treatment if you want” and she was nodding in the affirmative as she said it. Now the use of the word “criminal” here (if indeed that is what she said) is not in the same context as we would use it within the Earth dimension.  It refers to something that can be likened to a “spiritual bug” that finds its way into us and causes reactions that are not in line with our soul purpose or spiritual pathway.  Oh by the way, whatever it is I’ve got, I take full responsibility and acknowledge that somewhere along the way I’ve done it to myself.

I felt a great closeness with the souls in the classroom, especially the two black ladies who obviously knew me very well.  But the feelings I had for these two very beautiful ladies were not of a sexual nature.  They were feelings of a great depth and love of spirit that you only get when you have known someone for eternity; and they both seemed to know me inside out.  But I felt a great affinity with everyone; it was as though this was a regular gathering, and I soon realised exactly what the purpose of the class was.

I noticed that all the greetings that had been going on, between everyone, not just myself, seemed to be rather gushing and over-the-top (with the exception of the light-skinned black lady who hugged and kissed me on the cheek).  I also noticed whilst engaging with the other black lady, the therapist, that I was feeling a very definite emotion.  Now in the past during out-of-body experiences I’ve never been aware of any defined emotion apart from the pure love of spirit.  What I mean by defined emotion is this.  Normally as we go about life we are quite oblivious to a lot of our emotions because we are so wrapped up in the earthly state of illusion.  So, unless we are feeling particularly elated or sad we won’t necessarily be aware of our emotions; and in most cases will be oblivious when we are feeling emotions such as resentment, jealousy, greed etc. because they just blend in with our other thoughts and feelings.  But I was aware of a definite feeling of pride; the pride that is very much ego attached and not the justified sense of pride you get for yourself or a loved one that comes with having achieved something worthwhile, for example.

Yes, it occurred to me that I was part of a class that taught freedom of ego, and what everyone was doing was unloading their earthbound ego within the astral realms where it could cause no harm.  It all makes perfect sense; everyone present seemed to have a great sense of purpose, even the young white male who wanted me to kiss him on the cheek.  We were all students having one of our regular get-togethers.  That would explain the great feeling of togetherness.

Just as I was really enjoying myself I felt that all too familiar, and disappointing,
feeling of returning to my body.  I just lay there in bed for a while pondering my wonderful experience with amazing friends and thinking how truly blessed I am.
Oh thank you my loving God for a wonderful life.

Sai Humour #2

As I wrote in a previous article Sri Sathya Sai Baba was famous for the way he used humour to get his point across to people, and I’m going to share a few more examples of this with you now.

It was well know among devotees that Baba never slept, ever.  He was engaged in ”God” business 24 hours a day for every single day of the 85 years and six months that he was in his physical body.  Once when someone asked him if it was true that he never slept, he replied ”if I wanted to rest I wouldn’t have incarnated”.

In his younger days Swami would quite often leave his body in order to go to the aid of a devotee in distress, or to administer a cure for a life threatening illness.  An elderly devotee, also a non-swimmer, once fell down a deep and wide well and found to his astonishment that he was being supported from the waist up.  He remained supported until a rescue operation was mounted and he was hauled to safety.  The man knew that Swami had to be involved somehow and decided to go to Puttaparthi the next day to thank him.  He was sitting on the sand patiently waiting for Baba to come out for darsham, when all of a sudden Baba appeared on the balcony, and on seeing the man, shouted; ”hey!  Do you realise my shoulders are still hurting from holding you up last night!”

Another one of my favourite examples of Baba’s sense of humour was when an American lady was telling him of her worries regarding earthquakes in California.  She said ”but Swami what shall I do if there’s an earthquake”, to which Baba replied ”PREPARE TO DIE!”

More to follow.

Looking For Your Face

From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it

Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for

Today I have found you
and those who laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did

I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you
with a hundred eyes

My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold

I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine

Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow

My soul is screaming in ecstasy
Every fibre of my being
is in love with you

Your effulgence
has lit a fire in my heart
for me
the earth and sky

My arrow of love
has arrived at the target
I am in the house of mercy
and my heart
is a place of prayer